Another dawn

Another year passed, and the sea became scarier...

I blinked and it’s December again…

Sitting under the night sky, covered by the bedsheet of stars twinkling, my mind collapsed as my heart shrunk deep into the guilt of being the same this year too, Tears covering my face as the mask of happiness was torn apart and I couldn’t wear it anymore, the bridges that used to connect my feelings seemed to be falling down, the pillars on which my whole character was built were shaken by the storm of guilt that pounded a tsunami of blood inside my heart, that uneasy feeling returned, darker and stronger than ever before and I…I…I collapsed…

I fell deep into the sea of guilt with the regrets swimming like fishes inside, deep inside was an angler fishlike creature, my hopes working as the tiny bulb-like thing attracting my innocence towards it and eating it all and getting bigger and bigger, it was nothing but my hope, eating me alive from the inside…

I sank deeper and found a structure same as titanic and it was nothing but me, the me that believed nothing is impossible, the me that believed that all the people have good in them, the me Drowned in the sea of guilt…

I calmed myself and tried to swim back up to the surface, but I couldn’t, as I was weak or as I was trapped by a forest of streaming whips that could snare the unwary, it was my fear…

I felt the air in my lungs being replaced by the sea water, If I stayed any longer, I would die, I saw my life flash before my eyes and in that flash, I saw a glimpse of me and the people I love, and it felt like I got all the strength back, My arms and legs carrying a strength that was never felt before, The streaming whips broke and I was free, I used all the mighty strength I had in that moment and just then I saw the bright sky just above the water, I could see the bright sky, all I had to do was to swim just a couple foot more and I touched the surface and I realised that, I had such high hopes that I couldn’t differentiate between reality and delusion…

I was still under the deepest and darkest sea, still trapped by the forest of streaming whips, I felt my last breath and closed my eyes, a couple minutes passed, a couple minutes of peace, far away from chaos, and then, I opened my eyes once again hoping that I’m dead, but all I saw was the same bright sky with a bright sun…

I took a deep breath, feeling the air going in my lungs, taking a moment to regain my consciousness and I found myself alive, the bed sheet of twinkling stars was gone as someone turned on the lamp called “sun”, I wished It was January but it was still December, It was the still the same month that was reminding me of how pathetic of a human being I am each passing day…

I looked at all the people I love, all the ones around me, wanting me to do something great and achieve everything I want but my fear was stronger than anything…

I was in Hell, looking at Heaven.